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Jay Z.


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I am a dynamic figure. I write award-winning code, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trumpet playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with a very tiny amount of speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes, this is mostly due to an inability to keep track of time. I am an expert in social media, a veteran in halo, and an outlaw in Peru.

I could play bluegrass cello if really challenged, I was scouted by quite a few tech companies, I am the subject of a research paper that will probably not get published. I once won a contest to make a suspension bridge out of kinect.

I enjoy indoor skydiving. I can't art. I don't really get hungover. I am a private citizen, yet I have received fan e-mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured Europe and the Middle east. In tee ball I bat .400. Children trust me.